Learn why you might be dealing with infidelity.

Is Your o-Worker Trying to Sabotage You?

If you feel that people are trying to control you, there are ways to get them to back off peacefully.

"A dear friend of the family passed away almost three months ago. Fran was like an elderly aunt to me and my older sister Ruthie, and it has been hard for me to process the loss. I’ve reached out to Ruthie to talk about it, but she doesn’t want to. How do I get Ruthie to talk about Fran?'

“For three years I’ve served as the president of our condo association. We have a congenial board and I keep our meetings pleasant, but efficient; we all have plenty of other things we need to do. That all changed four months ago when Laura joined the board. She is cheery, but opinionated. Productive, but assertive. Upbeat, but bossy. We clashed almost immediately.”

"It’s difficult to feel ignored when praise is passed out, especially when you were half of the team that created the company."

"Each elemental personality will respond to winter in predictable ways depending on how balanced they are within their own elemental personality and how that personality relates to the seasons as represented in the Five Elements model. Let's take a look!"

"My 12-year-old son has always been a funny, outgoing, and expressive guy, but lately I’ve caught him lying to me. It’s not about big stuff, but it’s still very concerning. Lying is completely unacceptable behavior as far as I’m concerned, yet whenever I try to impress rules and regulations on him, he just laughs and teases me about being a “fuddy-duddy.” Is lying suddenly okay these days?"

"Your blog post last week regarding the positive aspects of “control” was really interesting, but like you said, having the Earth personality as the personality you relate to on Controlling Cycle of the Five Elements model is like hitting the jackpot. The Earth people I know are usually gentle and kind. I’d love to have the, control me."

"Summers with Jim have been a dream; I feel free, funny, and in love with everything. But when school starts, I throw myself into teaching and our relationship takes a 180-degree turn. I do love him and want it to work between us for a long time, but why do I stop loving him every Fall?"

"I’m familiar with the Five Elements model and how the elements keep each other in balance by either giving energy or taking it away. And in the model, that makes sense. But when that gets applied to people, I don’t understand how controlling someone can ever be good."

"My mother passed away last winter, but we waited until this summer so we could have her memorial service and sharing outside. It was a beautiful service, but I was fascinated by the fact that my younger sister Jessica had very different perceptions of my mother than I did. I’m upset that I never had the mom my sister did and now it’s too late."

"Dear Vicki: I know these are difficult times for many people, but the chaos became personal for me last month when the art gallery where I’ve worked for 20 years was sold. As an artist and homemaker, I so appreciated that the previous owner was a kind, gentle soul who ran a gallery that allowed for the joy of discovering art to steal over his patrons in a quiet way. But he retired and the new owner, Mr. Miller, is a bombastic man who thinks he needs to hit people over the head with ads, promotions, and events to increase attendance. The chaos he creates on a daily basis terrifies me. What can I do?"

"Dear Vicki: One of my employees constantly gives me trouble. He’s impossible to keep in line. Whenever we have a plan in place, without asking he will change it on the fly. Without permission, he comes dressed in a clown costume to entertain the seniors we serve. I have reminded him of our guidelines dozens of times, and he seems surprised and contrite, but nothing changes."

"Her husband and her brother seem to have very similar personalities, yet she gets along well with her husband, but not at all with her brother. Why?"

"Dear Vicki: My sister and I have been pretty close most of our lives. But we’ve taken very different paths. I went to college, then accepted a managerial position with a local bank. Genni worked as a nurse’s aide, which she loved. Several years ago, Genni married an accountant named John and it’s been a good marriage for her. Early on I realized that my brother-in-law was a controlling, opinionated person and have dealt with that for Genni’s sake. However, almost a year ago, John’s mother (another very opinionated person) became quite ill and moved in with Genni and John. Since then, Genni has really changed."

"I’m having trouble with my brother-in-law, Tom, and I hope you can help me understand why. He’s a loud, joking, frustrating kind of guy who is always “on,” no matter what is happening. Honestly, I don’t know how my sister stands it. Tom is never quiet and it’s absolutely exhausting to be around him. I actually enjoyed it when things were locked down due to Covid because I had limited connection with Tom. But now that things are opening up, he’s back in my life and I hate it. But my sister loves him, so I need to do something."

"Five years ago, in a fit of spontaneity, Dale and I started a business. It has been very stressful trying to grow it to profitability, especially during the past two years. There’s been lots of fighting, arguing, and aloneness, but not much making up. And definitely no fun or laughter. Dale used to tell jokes and laugh all the time, but now he has gone crazy with rules, schedules, and the right way to do everything. He works all the time and never wants to focus on us. It feels like the business is all that matters to him now."

"Dear Vicki: Since things started opening back up after the pandemic, I don’t really like the world out there. I’m an artist who is on one of the lucky ones – I’ve been able to manifest a successful career by hustling to sell my work. But now that I’m out and about, things feel so harsh. Everywhere I go, I encounter controlling, pushy people telling me what I have to do or even how I should think or act. I’m exhausted, and there are days I either want to hide under the covers or scream at people out of frustration. What’s wrong with me? And can I please change the world around me? Signed: Angry in Arlington"

I have to admit I smiled when I read your letter. Doing laundry can often bring out the best or the worst in most of us depending on our elemental personality. Earth people usually enjoy doing laundry because it allows them to focus on improving something about their home (clean clothes are a definite improvement!). Wood personalities usually find it a chore that has to be done to get on to something else (“the only way out is through”). Fire and Water people usually end up doing laundry only when they run out of clean clothes because they’ve either been busy with friends (Fires) or lost in a book or creative project (Waters). And Metal people usually do laundry regularly on a specific day and time and take special care in how that laundry is done. That’s because Metal people believe there is a right way to do everything. And I think this is the root of your laundry woes, but it is definitely fixable!